Simply in the Suburbs

Intentional Living in the Land of Distractions

You have more than you think you do

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I’d like to follow up on my post from yesterday… that more isn’t always better.

My follow up is simple.  The reason we often think more is better is because we don’t think we have enough of something.

Something’s missing. Something feels off. We have this sense that we’re either missing out or we don’t have much to offer.

My encouragement to you is that in nearly every single case, you have more than you think you do.  You are more than you think you are.

I’ve had those conversations with friends and others close to me before that made me realize that they honestly don’t believe they have much to offer. They feel talentless. They feel like they have no resources. They feel, for lack of a better word, worthless.

The “Who am I” chorus starts ringing out…

  • Who am I to do ____________?
  • Who am I that he would listen to me?
  • Who am I to try _____________?

If only you had more of this, that, or the other thing, you’d feel more confident right?

Well, you have more than you think you do. Leverage that little bit of something. Even if it’s just a bit of excited desire and ignorance, start there. A lot of really cool stuff has happened because someone was passionate about the thing and didn’t know enough to realize “it just can’t be done.”

So take what you think is “just a little bit” (those of us who know you, know better) and get after it.

You’ll be much happier if you do, even if you take a few lumps in the process.

Over time, the world will be happier that you did, too.

More Isn’t Always Better

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Our family celebrated one of the cousin’s birthdays recently 11with a pool party at my sister-in-law and brother-in-law’s neighborhood pool.

When we got back to the house after all of the splishing, splashing, and Marco-Poloing, my in-laws offered all of the kids something out of their garage fridge. The garage fridge: where suburbanites keep all the fun beverages!

There was a variety of Gatorades, and I heard my son say, “I’ll take that one. It’s bigger.”

It was actually the same size, but perception is reality to an 8 year old (and a 38 year old).

A bit later, when we were snacking on mini cupcakes, one kid got two cupcakes and one of those little frozen ice things – the kind that come in a little plastic sleeve you have to snip with scissors. Walmart always has them in a huge box in the middle of the aisle all summer long. I’m sure they’re really good for you.

Anyway… one kid got two cupcakes and a frozen ice thing. Another kid got one cupcake and a frozen ice thing and realized he had been wronged. He protested, “But she got two cupcakes and the frozen pop! I only got one!”

Whoever is parenting that kid needs to step up (yes, it’s me).

Basically, in both of these instances – the bigger is better Gatorade guy and the unjust cupcake situation, the children in question (mine) were being human. We all acted like that when we were 8. We still act like that to some extent.

We assume more and bigger is better. We get a little off-kilter when others seem to get a bigger slice of the pie than we do. Regardless of what the pie is or if we knew we wanted the pie in the first place. We see someone getting a piece, and we decide we want it, even if it’s nasty tasting.

So back to the party…..

These mini-cupcakes were mini. I picked one up and ate it slowly. What good would one additional cupcake be to me? What greater experience would I have if I ate one more?

Whenever we assume that more is better, I wonder if we have gratitude for the little we already have. I wonder if we appreciate the experience of eating a small, chocolaty muffin with chocolate ice cream before we decide we need to have two?

Did I pop the mini-cupcake into my mouth with one bite and immediately look around to see who is grabbing both a chocolate and vanilla version (secretly bitter against the dude who got seconds)?

Or did I savor the first one? Did I enjoy the moment? Did I really even taste it? Was I thankful for a treat that I normally do not get?

Enough about cupcakes. It’s making me hungry.

What “more” or “bigger” do I think I need right now?

There’s a possibility I do need a bit more. Maybe I do need more money for a very valid reason. Maybe I do need more space in my home or my closet. Maybe I do need a more up-to-date this or that.

Even so, I need to savor, have gratitude, and be a good steward of whatever “little” bit I have right now.

Before I automatically assume that what I need is more, I need to check my stewardship and gratitude for what I currently have.

It’s one of the cliches of short-term overseas mission trips: “I can’t believe how much joy the people had when they had so little stuff!”

If that is what we hear nearly every single time a group comes back from a mission trip (if you’re a church person, you know what I’m talking about), how come we can’t learn to have joy despite the comings and goings of the stuff we have?

I’ll stop there. You get the point. My encouragement to you (and to me, because these posts nearly always are based in something I need to have preached to me): notice when there’s a tendency to feel that more is better. Notice when it is more a knee-jerk reaction vs. a true need. And even if it’s a true need, try really hard to consider your stewardship, gratitude, and enjoyment for what you already have.

Enjoy your day! Use it wisely. Savor it. You’ll get more tomorrow.

Are You Taking Care of Yourself?

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are you taking care of yourself

Are you taking care of yourself?

Last night, I stood in front of the iPhone cases at Target for over an hour.  We’re upgrading our phones at a buy-one-get-one price through AT&T. It’s been 30 months.  I’ve cracked screens before and I’ve vowed never to let it happen again.

So… I spent an hour in front of those cases. Picking them up. Looking at them. Asking the Target electronics ‘expert’.  I read reviews on Google. I read reviews on Amazon. I texted friends for their opinions.

I bought two, went home, and scrolled through Amazon in bed and ordered a couple more to test.

We’ll take back what we don’t need.

Crazy how much time I put into picking out protection for my phone.

Crazier still is how little thought many of us spend in figuring out how to take care of ourselves.

We go out of our way to protect stuff that we’ll replace in a year or three but don’t intentionally decide what it means to take care of ourselves: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

You’ll have you with you for as long as you’ll be with you yet you (and I) take care of you with less intensity than you take care of something you’ll get tired of in 6 months. (repeat that 12 times)

  • Is our problem that we don’t cherish ourselves as much as we cherish our phones or other things?
  • Is our problem that we just assume that our own health will sort of take care of itself?
  • Is our problem that we just assume that we are how we are and there’s no sense in trying to improve in any way?
  • Is our problem that we don’t know where to start and haven’t taken a moment to sit down and make intentional decisions about what it means to tend to our own health?

Your first priority is yourself.

Before you get hot and bothered by that, hear me out.

I’m not saying that I am the most important person in the universe. I am saying that if I don’t tend to my own health, no one else will.  Over time, my usefulness to others and ability to enrich their lives will deteriorate.

To care about others requires that we first care about ourselves and are violently passionate about doing what it takes to make ourselves as healthy in all areas as possible.

You must identify your own health as a priority – a sustaining priority – that you give real, meaty time to each week.

It’s imperative that you figure out where you’re struggling.

  • Is it your physical health?
  • Is it your mental health?
  • Is it your spiritual health?

From there, implement habits and appointments with yourself (or others if needed) each week that honors this top priority.  If you need help identifying what habits you might need, feel free to drop me an email. I can at least give you a list to choose from.

I urge you to take time away from others. Schedule time for yourself:  read Scripture, pray, sleep a bit more, exercise, go see a therapist. Even if you have to sacrifice financially or hurt someone’s feelings. Put your own dang self on your own calendar and move yourself up your priority list.

You are much more precious than an iPhone.

Take care of yourself. You’re worth it and those around you depend on it.

What Sue in accounting will say at your funeral

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Waking up at 2am and not being able to go back to bed because you’re worried sick about a work situation = no fun.

I’ve been there. Occasionally, I still go there.

But being stuck in that place over long periods of time is no way to live.

Not only does it take a toll on your own health, but it begins to chip away at the health of your relationships.

I spoke with a friend who is in just such a place.  He’s in a job that carries extra stress with it. The strain is starting to get to him, and he wants to make sure it won’t have any repurcussions in more important areas of his life.

He’s made a decision to consider cutting back and moving into a role that will have less mental and emotional ‘creep’ into other areas in his life.

That’s a tough decision to make – especially if it means taking a step backwards financially or career-wise.  But it makes a lot of sense when you realize your marriage and children and other relational priorities are more important than vocational and financial priorities (we’ll discuss these some other day).

After nailing down our own sustaining priorities (see also previous emails/posts), the next thing to consider is relational priorities.

The problem with relational priorities is similar to the problem with sustaining priorities: They aren’t always urgent. Until they are.  All the sudden, you look up and you hardly know your spouse or kids. Or you all the sudden get a note from the doctor that you’re approaching Type-2 Diabetes or have all kinds of blockage around your heart.

Those voices aren’t the loudest voices until horrible events happen. The loudest voice and the most urgent demand on our time and energy is normally our job and career.

These demands crowd out our relational commitments.  “They’ll understand why I can’t get home on time. They get it that I have to answer this email at 9:30 at night.”

They might. That doesn’t mean they like it. And it doesn’t mean that you’re not making trade-offs you’ll regret some day. We consistently make the decision over and over, time after time, until we’ve built a life that says “Sue in accounting and her email is more important to respond to than you guys are”.

If you’re like me, then your goal is not to have a stream of clients and coworkers speaking at your funeral talking about how awesome you were at promptly responding to their requests and problems.

“Wow… Fred was so generous to take time away from his wife to spend hours of his time fixing our proposal. He was also so great at getting his expense report in on time!,” says Sue in accounting at your funeral.

Nope. That person won’t remember you did that at all.

On the other hand, if your kids remember that you turned work off and gave your full attention to them on a regular, consistent basis, then that is the stuff of a beautiful eulogy. That is how you have a group of grown kids and grandkids gathered around your bed during your final days.

Sorry to go there – the whole eulogy/death thing, but in the end, what do you want to show for your life?

A faint memory by a few people who remember you worked hard and were a prompt responder to emails?

Or do you want a house full of family and friends remembering that they held prime real estate on your priority list?

———————-

Go pick up this book if you need help digging through clutter and getting clarity around what are the most important things in your world right now:  Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown (affiliate link)

When you’re overwhelmed, you might be struggling with this…

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Few things feed garden variety overwhelm more than a lack of clarity.

Have you ever decided to tackle the ‘clean out the garage’ project? Or that closet? Or the basement? Or your email inbox?

It’s overwhelming isn’t it?

When I take on a project like that, I just stand and stare for a really long time with a sense of dread.

What am I going to do with all this stuff?

Then I take a deep breath, sit down, take one thing and decide what to do with that one thing: trash it, donate it, or store it more properly than randomly stacked up on top of other stuff because I was too lazy to put it away correctly 15 months ago.

Lack of clarity breeds overwhelm in our lives, too.

When we’re unclear on what is most important to us, we struggle handling all of our commitments. Better said, when we’re unclear on what is most important to us, we struggle handling all of the demands that come at us.

Some of these are our own commitments (that we made when we weren’t clear on our priorities). Some of these are demands others have made on us that we were too overwhelmed to say “No” to. Yes… when you’re overwhelmed, it’s more difficult to say “No” because you’re so unsure of what a good decision might be, so you just say “Yes” until you can have time to sift through things later. But you never get to it and your calendar piles up.

It’s the mental equivalent of stacking one more thing up in the corner of your garage to deal with later.

This is why it’s so, so, so important to get clarity on your true priorities.

Clear priorities provide you a decision filter.

You and I need a decision filter.  We need to be clear on the relationships, projects, and habits that are vital. The things we’ll regret not pouring ourselves into.

Get clear on those things, and the overwhelm will begin to subside.  You’ll recognize something that simply does not fit.

It’ll take practice – especially if you’re like me. A “Yes Man”.  Just learn to start asking the right questions (assuming you’re clear on the things that are most important).

Every time a new “opportunity” comes your way:

  1. Does this fit with my clear priorities?
  2. If I do this thing, will it rob time from other things that are much more important?
  3. If I do this thing, will it deplete my energy so that I cannot give my best self to the things that are most important to me?

Will you always have things that you have to do because you’re a human in a modern society? Of course.

But if you struggle with allowing things to pile up, you can greatly decrease this struggle by getting crystal clear on what is most important to you and forcing your commitments to fall into line.

You can do this.

Clarity, Vision, Action, Focus, Perseverance

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Clarity, Vision, Action, Focus, Perseverance.

Clarity: You must be clear on your priorities. What are the things most important to you? Can you write these things down?

Vision: What are your dreams for the things and people that are most important to you? Where you do you want to be this time next year? 3 years from now? 5 years from now? When you’re 80?

Action: Will you take intentional action to honor your clear priorities by moving toward the vision you have for them?

Focus: Can you say ‘no’ to the things that have nothing to do with moving your priorities toward your goals and dreams and vision?  Can you remove distractions?

Perseverance: You know this is a marathon, right? It’s not a sprint? You don’t take one time action. You don’t remove distractions once and they’re gone. You know the main priorities are priorities for a lifetime, right?

What’s important to you?

Where do you hope you’ll be in relation to that thing 5 years from now?

How are you going to get there?

What will trip you up if you’re not careful?

Are you prepared to pursue this thing over the long haul?

I’m with you. I’m working out my own things. Let’s get after these things together. 

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